“Croce, the world is ending…”

Pronounced, "KRO-cheh".

SORRY TO INTERRUPT THIS BLOG POST, BUT I JUST SAW A COMMERCIAL ON TV THAT SHOWED NICOLETTE AND I GETTIN' DOWN AT CANS.

INSANITY.

 

I am completely in love with Tanner's Pit Bull puppy, Crusis. You have no idea. It's almost to a Hand That Rocks the Cradle level. I do believe that I may steal him. I covet this dog. The dog's name is "Crusis" and I have no idea why. It was lifted directly from the latin phrase "Via Crusis" (way of the Cross) which is just a little pretentious to me since his owner speaks no Latin and isn't even religious. It's kind of like how people get japanese tattoos because of how they look. So the dog's name is pretty much Of The Cross, which is fine I guess. I call the dog "Croce" which is Italian for "cross". I used to call him "Nickles" because I thought his puppy breath smelled like a bag of freshly minted nickles… like I know what that smells like anyway.

The dog is absolutely beautiful. The color is called "blue" but it's really ash grey. They do all this stupid renaming for this breed of dog and it aggrivates me. Like, the males are called "Sires" and the bitches are called "Madames". Give me a break! Just say male and female, Christ Almighty. There's no logical reason for any of this- just to make the owners feel more important I guess. The dog could give two shits. One thing I do like is that the breed is actually called American Stradfordshire Terriers, and I'm sorry, but I prefer that over "Pit Bull". The other name speaks more for the ultimate origin of the breed.

 

SORRY TO INTERRUPT AGAIN, BUT HELICOPTERS AND SQUAD CARS HAVE JUST DESCENDED UPON THE HOME OF ONE BRITTNEY SPEARS TO SEQUESTER HER CHILDREN. I'M WATCHING IT LIVE ON EARLY TODAY ON NBC (THE ONE WITH THE PEACOCK). SERIOUSLY, HOW THE HELL DID IT GET THIS BAD? I HOPE SHE DOESN'T COMMIT SUICIDE. SHE NEEDS A HOME BIBLE STUDY. TANNER'S SNORING IS UNEARTHLY.

 

Ok, I'm not going to be able to focus long enough to talk about this dog. Long story short, I'm lovin' Crusis "Croce-Nickles" Putnam and I'm the one who taught him how to sit. Don't forget it.

I gotta discuss this Brittney Spears thing. They just put her in an ambulance because she was high on something (and judging from her recent late night escapades in random gas station bathrooms, I'm sure we can guess what THAT was…) and whisked her kids away to the Federline residence. Y'ALL, SERIOUSLY. What's happened!? Has the world just gone nuts? Am I prepared to live in a world where Kevin Federline is deemed the responsible, sober parent? Lindsay Lohan has just "slipped" off the sobriety wagon and they announced this on the news too. Keep in mind, I'm not watching E!, I'm watching the regular-ass news. What is wrong with Hollywood? I think they should just shut it down for utter and complete rehabilitation. All the writers are on strike anyway. People are losing their ever loving minds. Obama and Huckabeye (??) just won Illinois (I guess) and… Chuck Norris is in the background for some reason. A Tiger escaped the zoo and killed someone. This woman had her little girl say her dad got killed in Iraq, and she got Hannah Montana tickets for it. It was a lie, and her mom should be promptly shot and hung by the toenails. I think I'm actually living in a movie that's happening around me. None of this can be real.

I have this bump on the inside of my lip. And no, it ain't herpes, so shut the fuck up first of all. Secondly, there's no way I can have that unless it stayed dormant for a long long long LONG ass time. I actually can't believe I just disclosed any of that.

Why am I still up? I need to go to bed, but I'm not really enjoying my room right now because Crusis peed in there like, 3 days ago and I still can't find it. Smells kind of suspect in there. I'm just gonna pass out on my couch I think… I'm gonna steal Crusis first. He's like having a live teddy bear (no homo) with really stank ass breath.

 

G'nite.