Towne & Country

I'm sitting here and trying my damndest to find a more euphemistic word for "ignorance". Unawareness, maybe? I dunno. Ignorance just has so much negative connotation. Like you're calling someone "stupid". GOD, Karen (FYI, this is usually how I refer to stupid people. Ref., Mean Girls [Karen Smith: You wanna do something fun? Wanna go to Taco Bell? Regina George: I can't go to Taco Bell, I'm on a no-carb diet. GOD, Karen, you're so STUPID!]). I guess I'm going to have to settle for "unawareness".

Growing up in the city all my life has awarded me the prospect of being fundementally aware about a lot of things. People cheat, people lie, people steal, people kill. Welcome to the planet earth, year two-thousand-eight. That shit just goes down and half the human conciousness is in on it, sorry. People that live in the more "tucked away" areas of the world ( I'm not going to say 'sticks') aren't really perceptive about this reality and tend to freak the fuck out when the sunshine and rainbows fade away.

Enter: My new housemates. I love them to death, let's get that straight. They are genuinely kind people and I owe them the world for various reasons. But damn it if they need to get a little citified. They were born and raised in one of these tucked away areas I made reference to earlier and are just now for the first time experiencing life as City Folk. The traffic freaks them out, the absence of the bajillion stars you see at night in the country is bizzare and municipal garbage collection is a damn luxury. Don't even get me started on one-way streets.

Now, they introduce me to a bunch of things too- mostly things that us City Folk wouldn't have to fuck with because we'd just hire someone to do it. I know the names of so many random tools and equipment and parts of cars now. I'll never have to put any of this knowledge to practical use though, because I'm still gonna call a nigga if something goes wrong.

ANYWAY, let me get to the point of all this. SO, one of my housemates has a big expensive truck (stop laughin') with rims and all this stuff and for all intents and purposes has been parking it in the front yard (not really, there's a driveway there but the truck is so damn big that it disappears underneath it). The house is right on the street and a block away from a bus stop, so people are walking by all the time. Well, two nights ago it got broken into. Nothing was taken, but they fucked up the immobilization whatever-whatever and he had to go get his car fixed. They both think it was some gang-initiation thing but I personally think it was because we live on a busy street and the person didn't have time to steal the car and go unnoticed. It was probably just a really handy crack-head, anyway.

Why oh why did that have to happen though. These fools (God bless 'em) have purchased flood lights, security cameras and are getting these super, out-of-control security systems for their cars now. If you guys are reading this (And Tanner, I know yo' nosey ass probably is), I love y'all, but why not just buy a fourteen-foot high, iron security wall with razor wire and iris-scan entry? Hell, why not just buy a troupe of British guards to stand in front of the house.

COMEDY.

As I'm writing this, Tanner asks me "You think we're rediculous". I just shrugged and gave a dubious "you gotta do what you gotta do" type response. But yes, I think it's rediculous. I think it's the most rediculous and unecessary thing ever but I'm not gonna say that though because I don't wanna sound like a snobby, know-it-all urbanite.

Anyway, it's snowing. I'm going to go have some Merlot and Tequila. Together. I probably shouldn't, though. Wine loosens my tongue.

G'bye.

INTERRUPTION: WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS, TWO KIDS WALKED ONTO THE PROPERTY AND THEY FREAKED OUT. NEITHER ONE OF THEM WOULD SAY A THING TO THE KIDS, I HAD TO SPEAK UP. THEY WERE JUST LOOKING FOR THEIR DOG. THEY WERE NOT TRYING TO HOT-WIRE Y'ALL'S CARS.